he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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