I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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