Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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