You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
