Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
