we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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