Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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