I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
