It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
