I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
