And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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