I think I can smell my own vagina right now
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
