Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize