GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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