Even the bartender felt bad for me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
