I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize