you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
