why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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