Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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