I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
