hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
