I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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