She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
