Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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