Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Randomize
