I think i peed on brittanys purse
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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