I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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