why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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