You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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