somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
