Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
