i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
