New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
