this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Everyone says I win the strip club
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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