Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
