Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just found puke in my bra..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
