You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize