I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
