i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
