I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
