This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize