Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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