He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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