Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
