As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
