I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
