My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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