Will you blow on my dice?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
