How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
