I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
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