This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
