You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize