what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
