i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
