Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
