I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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