It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i think my cat just said my name.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
