i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
