Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
...so i touched it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
