so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize