So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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