Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
