What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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