Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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