This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
