im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think my moral compass just broke
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
