So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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