i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
