I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
