Don't make out with my wife yet
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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