Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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