hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
