Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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