In the future we'll all be gay
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
