i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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