they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
