his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
