True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
