never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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