EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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