so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
