After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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